Saturday, September 18, 2010

Alone Time

Not looking for sympathy, just some quiet time alone, to which I can think.
 what all needs to be done? what have I not finished? how much time? who do I need to make things right with?
 where do I start? why is this happening? what have I done wrong?why do I feel the need to be alone? why am I pushing my loved ones away? why now??

 CHIN UP!!!!

  BE A MAN!!!

  I'm ready for what ever comes of this, why can't I just be alone? why did I have to fall in LOVE??  now I feel as if I will be hurting those around me.
 Why do I still feel distance from you Lord?
 I talked with you just last night, and I felt fine. What happened? is there too much going on now, that your too busy to talk?
 Please just show me how to act tough, when inside I'm really scared. help me be the "rock" in others lives so that they come to you.
 Lord I have Peace within me, for whatever your will is for me. there is just so much more I want to do for you.
 Do you want me to put my life on hold? I would think that you wouldn't.
 why am I here right now, writing this when I should be with Deb, preparing the day that you have given unto us.
 I want to be alone from others so I may get closer to you, But  your not here.
 your word tells me that you'll never leave me, WHERE are you?? 
   please watch out for my loved ones.
  please comfort them.
  please come for me, in the times of trouble.
  I love you Lord,
 I will wait on you...
 I will continue living the way you want me to.
 I will be waiting on you,Lord...

**The Dark Side**

(Buzz)  Lord, I pray unto you, " Why Has this trial come before me?"
(Jesus)  " you asked for trials to come your way this year".
(Buzz)  But lord, I wasn't expecting a life threatening situation.
 (Jesus) "If you were to get an easy trial, could we even count it as a trial", "you asked for things that would strengthen you faith in me, not an easy problem that you could fix yourself, and say a little prayer, and expect blessings from others because you were a little discomforted." "People used to say that you had the patients of Job. because of the trials that came into your life before, and you were able to keep cool and when you prayed to me , I answered because of your faith in me."
 (Buzz) But Lord, I'm scared, and I'm trying not to show it, I'm trying to be brave for the sakes of family and friends. I do believe that you can heal me of this trial, but at the same time, Lord I'm ready to come home.
 (Buzz) Lord, you say in your word that if someone would take their own life it would be considered a sin, example: if someone took an over dose of their medicine. Lord , what if I didn't take my medicine? would it be a sin then?
 (Jesus)" If my plans for you are much bigger than this trial, and in order for you to be ready to handle the future you must go through this trial. If you decided to end your life by not taking what I have provided for you, than it might not be considered a sin and you will still come to Heaven, but the true heartache would be all the lives that you would miss touching and people that could have come to me, because of what you went through to get to where you are at that point. Now I may still bring you home and the people that are watching you right now and watching how you are handling this trial, May be enough for them to come to know me. either way , your trial is based on your faith, How will you handle it? will you try to on your own? or will you pray to me and ask for my help and then have faith and believe in me."
 (Buzz) Lord, I pray to you that would you please , heal me from this trial, help me become a stronger soldier that I may become a leader and bring other people to you. Lord please grant me the knowledge and the wisdom that I need to get passed this trial.Lord , please be with the one's that I love and grant them the strength they need to see me through this. Lord Jesus,  I love you, Thank you for this trial, I have faith that you will heal me.
  (Jesus)," Buzz have faith in me and keep my commandments and all what you ask will be given unto you. I am the light of the world don't hide in the darkness expecting an answer, strive to stay in the light and nothing will harm you."
 (Jesus)" I love you Buzz".

Tuesday, September 14, 2010


   It was not quite a year and a half, when I first met Deb, the woman that I'll be marrying in another 25 days.
   Since we've been dating I have been distancing my self from an old love, we still talk and even spend time together. But now that Deb and I have planned our Wedding My friend seems to be drifting away. Oh how I miss confiding in them, and how no matter how I treated them , they always Loved me.
 I still try to talk with them everyday sometimes four or five times or more. I just can't get enough of them.
  But with all the time that Deb and I spend together it's sometimes hard to find the time just to say "hello".
  I so long to have the relationship that I had before, but "life" changes and even though My attention goes towards Deb. I still need to keep in contact with them.
 My lost love is Jesus. It say's in the Bible that when you are single you can grow closer to God than if you were married. reason being: when you are married your attention must go towards your spouse, not all of it, you and your spouse become one.
 The man will be the head of the house, just like Christ is the head of the church.
  Am I ready to take on this role? I'd like to think so.
  Even though , I may not be as close to God as I was when I was single. But now being the Leader I must take on a new role. while still talking with him, and spending time with him ( one on one) just Him and me.
 Lord , Please guide me and grant me wisdom and knowledge so that I may lead this family closer to you.
    Lord, I know that I never lost you, or your love.
            I praise you Lord...